Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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