worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
