I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
