Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
