How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
