when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
