I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
