dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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