so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
