is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
