Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
