We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
