I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
