your room smells of hookers.
And success
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize