ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
