I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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