Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
