you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
