Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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