I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
