I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
