just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
