Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
