he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
