You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
