The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
