you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
