evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
