so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
