im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize