i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
