just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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