I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
