i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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