i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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