i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
