sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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