I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
