I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
