Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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