Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
