I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
