so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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