you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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