If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
