so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
