I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
