took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just cropdusted the office
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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