and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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