one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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