That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
