Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
