My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
