it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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