Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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