if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
