Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize