Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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