Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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