My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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