im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
