The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
