i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
