Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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