either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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