Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
