Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
