Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
