So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
