I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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