I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it glows. i had to have it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
