i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
