Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
