Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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