Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
