I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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