If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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