I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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