weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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