can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We named our party play list daddy issues
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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