four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
