there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize