Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
