I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
