im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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