Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
